13. When I'm listening to the speaker
A. I often cross my arms over my chest.
B. I often lean back and turn my body away from the speaker.
C. I often lean slightly forward and face my body toward the speaker.
Best answer: C.
Leaning slightly forward and facing the speaker shows you're interested, and it helps build rapport. Sitting with your arms crossed over your chest gives the message you are defensive. Leaning back with your body or turning your body away from the speaker gives the message that you are bored, disinterested, or feel in charge. Such body language breaks down rapport.
14. When I cross my leg
A. I cross my leg facing the speaker.
B. I cross my leg away from the speaker.
C. I bob my foot.
Best answer: A.
Crossing your leg toward the speaker shows you're interested, and it builds rapport. Crossing your leg away from the speaker gives the message that you are defensive, disinterested, or feel in charge. In essence, you are putting up a subtle barrier. And if you bob or swing your foot, you're sending the message that you're anxious or nervous!
15. While listening,
A. I tend to be distracted by things going on around me.
B. I listen for meaning and ask questions.
C. I watch the person speak, but I don't "hear" a word.
Best answer: B.
If you're a good listener, you keep mentally busy searching for meaning in the message, and you ask questions. This mental "search for meaning" helps keep you focused, attentive, and engaged. If you get easily distracted, try taking notes if the setting is appropriate.
Note-taking helps draw and focus your attention as you must mentally "search for meaning" and listen for information in order to take notes. This might be helpful in meetings, for example.
If you watch someone speak but you don't "hear" a word, gauge if you are bored, tired, might have a gap between your speaking and listening rates, or are experiencing "emotional deafness." We all experience emotional deafness on occasion, especially when we're feeling overwhelmed, upset, or nervous.
You hear people ask - "I'm sorry, what did you say?" or make the comment - "I have a lot on my mind right now. Could you repeat what you said?" If it's a frequent problem, gauge the source and seek help if needed.
16. When someone talks about an unfortunate or sad experience
A. I don't comment about it.
B. I try to change the subject.
C., I try to relate to the person's feelings and show sensitivity to his or her misfortune.
Best answer: C.
Showing empathy (sensitivity) to another person's feelings helps build rapport. It's called "reaching out to people." Empathy can be shown by making comments, such as:
"That must have been a scary (or upsetting) experience for you."
"I felt the same way when that happened to me."
"I know (understand) how you feel."
"I can imagine how you feel."
"I would feel that way too in your situation."
17. When I discuss a topic
A. I tend to talk about and focus on positive (good) aspects.
B. I tend to talk about and focus on the negative (bad) aspects.
C., I tend to complain.
Best answer: A.
Focusing on the positive (good) aspects draws people's attention in a favorable way, and people enjoy the conversation more. People are generally more attracted to a person who has a "positive outlook on life." And when it comes to work evaluations, positive-minded people generally do better. Consider the following examples:
Positive: "The plan has some good ideas."
Negative: "The plan has some serious problems."
Complaint: "No one ever listens to my ideas."
Positive: "These changes might have some benefits."
Negative: "These changes would be awful."
Complaint: "I'm always having to relearn and re-do everything around here."
18. When I have a negative opinion or comment
A. I just say it.
B. I lead in with a positive comment first.
C. I say nothing.
Best answer: B.
It's best to say something positive first, and then express a negative opinion or comment in a tactful way. Consider these examples:
Positive lead:
"I like many aspects of your idea (positive lead), but it may not work well for this department." (tactfully stated)
Interpretation: The idea won't work.
"You did a nice job setting the bread plates and glasses (positive lead), but the forks need to be placed to the left." (tactfully stated)
Interpretation: The forks are in the wrong place.
Positive lead (with empathy):
"I know you worked a long time on this (positive lead), but it would look better retyped." (tactfully stated)
Interpretation: It needs to be retyped.
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